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are you ever coming back?

by nonnsha

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Mari KiraLou Hamade
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Mari KiraLou Hamade I fell in love with an instagram post a year ago. I've been waiting for a year to see if it would turn into something more. I was not disapointed. Hauntingly beautiful. Favorite track: mellow yellow.
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1.
hold still it stings like bees marking your skin a pain so shortly lived attend to the wounds a cover up to heal an accident it's real close and i can't stop missing what is here can i go home before all the changes begin to show? it's a long way but i feel so full i could fill up the tank for miles and miles and drive through the haze and sift through the piles of cold hands what could i hold that doesn't keep me afraid? or stuck in denial and how do i leave? i feel like a child again.
2.
was that an invite for me? i’m sorry but i don’t think that i will be free that day but yes i would still like to see you soon see you soon please when does it count? when you’re around why can’t it be every time? when does it count? when you’re around why can’t it be every time? memories around the season drive round the block are you sure now? asking you twice trace the part where you are here back in the car are we headed for something good? staircases lead to the deed i’m taking my pride and my grief to the seat it’s settled i’ll walk myself back to the seed and grow past this and believe when does it count? when you're around why can't it be every time?
3.
mellow yellow, wading your way i can not swim but i sure can wait for blue water to part blue water to part home street, kids out to play i still remember that age when love was just mom and dad nothing was too far to be had.
4.
oh dearest my only fear is you're back to lying i'm tired of trying to fool my heart into gold it's not what i told myself i would do before there was you.
5.
love, my baby is gone i'm holding onto past words thought we were so strong thought nothing could break the bond but my baby is gone there's nothing else that i want my baby is gone there's nothing that i can do.
6.
thought i had something to tell you but how would you respond? i know it’s all wrong but a week feels so long i’m sure you’ve been busy forgetting my face extending the space i thought we would fill up walking in reverse i’m upside down you’re fading out walking in reverse i’m upside down you’re fading out
7.
friday was the day i thought that i would pick up myself on the way and maybe there'd be no delay i'd get your invitation and respond in the right time frame a little sprinkle of this and that to clear a heavy burden so bold yet so sheer am i slouching again? will drinking water wash out the dread? oh i will save a spot just in case you change your mind parking lots are full of drugs but cars still stay in line oh i don't wanna be the one to tell you no but i don't know you like before reasoning out the weeds like a talking could get straight to the core was there more to say? i thought i struck the head of the nail i want a friend who i can trust to watch my bag when i get up i need a friend who loves me back. but if you're headed to the ice box could you grab the coldest water for me? i'm so tired of the talking running from the thought of dropping everything to be beside you i'm not sure but i could try to be the one to keep you company is this really what you want from me and i can keep the current steady make sure meals are hot and ready let me know when you're open to getting past all that's been spoken.
8.
are you ever coming back? i’m not sure how to act when everything is not the same and you’ve been putting up your guard talking is very hard i’m not sure what to say to get to you i’ve never been this far from me i took a trip into the least possible place you’d think i’d be i’m scared of losing what seems to be love i’m so sure that it was love how is it done? i’m so sure i need your love are you ever coming back? i’m not sure how to act when everything is not the same and you’ve been putting up your guard talking is very hard i’m not sure what to say to get to you
9.
i want a house to call my own with good foundation set in stone i'd let you in, i'd let you stay i don't wanna get foolish with my words held against me proving what is mine and yours could we take it easy for the road? i'd trade you spots if it meant no more games we're losing anyway so let's take the dive give it all of our fight come on, let's try. here the dogs run free on a vacant scene so happy with no needs. i want that and more like worries to fall short a safe spot in return to be sure.
10.
just when i think that i am ready to forget moments catch on easy disregard the steps it takes to run away from something i did not expect it hurts to see you from a distance like we never ever met why'd you have to go?

about

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released April 17, 2019

all music was written, performed, recorded, and mixed by you guessed it, my dog. just kidding. it was me, shannon simbulan.

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nonnsha California

i enjoy grocery shopping.

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